Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
