Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
