so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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