Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
