I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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