i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
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