I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
