Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
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