i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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