He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
