i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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