Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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