ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Operation Purity has been aborted
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
