Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
