His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
