yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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