I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
