youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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