At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
