but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
