It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
