New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
