Umm I'm too high to move.
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
