break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Randomize
