I wannas sexs uuuuu
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
