I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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