you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
