You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
