He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
