woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
The power of my boobs compel you
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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