Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
