note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
