Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
