tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
