Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
