I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
