I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
