Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
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