I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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