Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Randomize
