for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
