Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
