i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
When are your genitals available?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
