i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
