Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
i need some magic done to my vagina
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
