She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
