Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
