btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
