Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
