someone threw a dead crab at me
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
