Your dad touched me again.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
