dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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