Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
