Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
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