just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I think I just shit out all my problems.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
